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August 16, 2010

Where can I get

a super-size vat of patience?  I will gladly pay overnight and heavy shipping fees if it could magically appear on my doorstep in the morning.

IMG_0252 IMG_5037 You see, I am trying.  I am really, really, really trying...but I forgot how bloody hard this single parenting gig can be.  I feel like no matter what I do, no matter how many reserves I try and dig up, I manage to crash and burn on a daily basis.  And I'm really not trying to shoot for perfection (my home-cooked, home-made, all organic pesto pasta w/organic farmers market corn on the cob was gracefully served at o'late hundred tonight)...just some sort of modicum of normal.

IMG_5043 I know there are mitigating factors.  I know that some avenues of support are sadly gone...just gone..and I forgot how that might affect me...even your cranky mom visiting you to remind you that your bathtub needs cleaning helps in a tiny way.  I know that I said yes to this.  But good grief, I'm just tired.  And what happens when I get tired?  I snap...and I snapped hard on Friday...which is really sad because it was supposed to be a happy day...

You see at 6:32 a.m. on Friday, I celebrated being 29 plus a few odd years.  Not a dramatic birthday, but still...last year I woke up to a mocha and a vegan muffin delivered to me by my husband and 3 happy kids...and the knowledge we were leaving for a 5 day trip in Tahoe (haven't been there?  GO!).

This past Friday, I barely got the coffee made, Caitlin out of bed, Kelsey to camp, did something with Nicholas, back to get Caitlin, had lunch (when it all started to go downhill), came home, did...I don't know, laundry, dishes, played with Nicholas, cursed moving every 2-3 years, ran to get Kelsey, came home, (?), sat in a stupor for 5 minutes, finally got motivated to go out to dinner, spent dinner trying to forget that Caitlin ordered a special dessert in front of me so I could be uber-surprised, ate dessert, came home, nearly collapsed from exhaustion during family Skype call (sorry, Dad & Gretchen), got Nicholas to sleep, blew out candle in a chocolate chip cookies, finally opened presents, cried over Kelsey's sweet home-made card twice, inhaled the scents of the Lush selection from Cait several times...(it's all natural soap, folks), tried to make it through Diary of a Wimpy Kid with the girls while Skyping again (Pete this time) and, sigh, finally lost it.

It's not even the big things...just small complications that appear out of nowhere, that become huge because Peter's not here to help with them...or little things that aren't a big deal until it's just the last straw...or the toddler who's just being a two year old and really just wants his daddy and what can you do?  You become grouchy despite your best intentions...

The irony? For as much as some of my frustrations come from the kids (and I don't mean things they do...just the stuff of life...trying to get it all done and never feeling finished)...at least I have them.  Nothing says forgiveness for  a little mommy crankypantsness like a giant hug from your 8 year old...or a huge grin from your two year old as he gleefully dives into the dinner you spent hours preparing like it's the best dish on the planet...or a clean living room (and cat box..double yea) courtesy of your 11 year old.

Scratch the double yea....cat box NOT done...snap...*sigh*...only 49 weeks to go...







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Oh, HONEY. So many hugs for you.

If you find a vat of patience, please let me know where I can find some too.

First, Happy Birthday!

One of the wonders of having kids is that they can make your heart melt with one hug, or one I love you. It is awesome! The hard part is that it can change just as quickly when they do something terrible.

One last thing, at least you try to make organic, healthy meals for your kids. Mine get frozen chicken nuggets most days. Sometimes I throw in a little organic mac and cheese if I am feeling ambitious.

While I know school has its own set of challenges, I think it'll be a little easier when you only have one to keep track of/entertain/prevent from killing each other some of the time. I can offer some unpacking/organizing help, if you want. Or even clean the cat box; that's how much I love you.

Happy, happy birthday! Just keep hanging in there and EVENTUALLY it will all be over - although never soon enough!

Happy birthday! I feel for you. It has to be so hard having your husband gone for the year. Thinking of you. Half and half, no sugar...

Happy birthday from our house too! I really feel for you- my patience has been so thin lately and I think forward to a day when I may be in your shoes and wonder how I'll do it. It is not easy, just take it a day at a time. Today will be better, I bet. all the best.

Just keep writing it down ... and plugging away ... and know that you are THE best thing those kids could ever have!

Even those of us who are parenting with BOTH parents ... lose it! You're a rockstar .... the ROCK of the family ... and HAPPY BIRTHDAY even it wasn't the kind of pomp and circumstance you may have wanted ...

I'm an army brat and my dad would be gone for months at a time and I remember my mom having a breakdown at least once - every single day. You are totally normal, and you're doing a great job!


After reading this post I am wondering why you left an apology in my comments for "missing" my show this weekend!?! Holy moly- you've got alot to occupy your time and mind. I have PLENTY of shows coming up. I will keep you posted. Thank you so much for expressing interest! It means alot. And most importantly, happy happy birthday to you! May this be a year of self-discovery, good health and endless wells of patience...

I'm sorry your birthday was hard. I'm here for you if you need me.

I have a breakdown pretty much daily and my husband isn't serving at an unaccomapanied post. I have been thinking a lot lately about why we think we need to perfect all the freaking time, I think there is a blog post rolling around my head somewhere. Give yourself a break, you are a wonderful mom dealing with a tough situation!

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