Right about now
I'm being rolled down the hallway towards the OR, much like I was 9 weeks, 6 days and 22 hours ago. I have been at the hospital for about 1.5 hours and have changed into my granny gown, had the IV started and I am sure a bit of calming medicine is slowly dripping into my arm.
My left arm, that is, since I cannot ever so much as have my blood pressure taken on my right side again (unless in a true emergency...all bets are off then). I am calm, perhaps one might even say nervously giddy? I am not here to have a treasured (well...it was) part of me removed, but instead have a reshaping, a redesign, a nip here, a tuck there...and all to make me feel just a bit more...whole.
It's not to say one can't feel complete without a breast, but I don't. A sac that feels like a baseball in my chest, with rigid edges that poke into my arm does absolutely nothing for me and I do need something realistic there. Right now, I feel more like a science experiment than a person. I realize that this morning's procedure will not bring everything back. After all, Dr. X. is really just exchanging one implant, albeit a hard, unyielding one for another. However, the other is much softer and pliant. It will likely be kinder to my body and for that I will be grateful.
It won't be the end result. As we all know, that won't be for another year. However, maybe this will bring me a few steps closer to normal for the next 12 months. Now if I could just shake the nerves and simply be giddy....
Ok, I almost started crying here. Praying for a safe surgery.
Posted by: Sara Roy | January 20, 2011 at 08:29 AM
You're so brave. Safe surgery and speedy recovery, I demand it!
Posted by: Spectrummymummy | January 20, 2011 at 08:54 AM
Hope the surgery goes as well as possible and you are happy with the outcome! Sending good vibes your way!
Posted by: Daniela | January 20, 2011 at 10:53 AM
You are most definitely in my prayers today and here's hoping and praying for a safe and smooth recovery!!
Posted by: Kristen | January 20, 2011 at 12:00 PM
Yay - get that new breast girl! You deserve it! Lots of people praying for you, so I know you'll come through with flying colors...
Posted by: Sarah Novak | January 20, 2011 at 08:44 PM
Time for the Weekly State Department Round Up and you're on it. Please let me know if you would like to be removed, broken links etc.
http://spectrummymummy.wordpress.com/2011/01/21/weekly-state-department-round-up/
Posted by: Spectrummymummy.wordpress.com | January 21, 2011 at 08:51 AM
I hope your surgery went well. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
Posted by: Tara R. | January 21, 2011 at 09:11 AM
I hope that all went well with your surgery. Praying for your recovery, and that you will find your 'normal' again :)
Posted by: connie | January 21, 2011 at 12:00 PM