« Tomorrow is | Main | {this moment} »

January 20, 2011

Right about now

I'm being rolled down the hallway towards the OR, much like I was 9 weeks, 6 days and 22 hours ago. I have been at the hospital for about 1.5 hours and have changed into my granny gown, had the IV started and I am sure a bit of calming medicine is slowly dripping into my arm.

My left arm, that is, since I cannot ever so much as have my blood pressure taken on my right side again (unless in a true emergency...all bets are off then).  I am calm, perhaps one might even say nervously giddy?  I am not here to have a treasured (well...it was) part of me removed, but instead have a reshaping, a redesign, a nip here, a tuck there...and all to make me feel just a bit more...whole.

It's not to say one can't feel complete without a breast, but I don't.  A sac that feels like a baseball in my chest, with rigid edges that poke into my arm does absolutely nothing for me and I do need something realistic there.  Right now, I feel more like a science experiment than a person.  I realize that this morning's procedure will not bring everything back.  After all, Dr. X. is really just exchanging one implant, albeit a hard, unyielding one for another. However, the other is much softer and pliant.  It will likely be kinder to my body and for that I will be grateful. 

It won't be the end result.  As we all know, that won't be for another year.  However, maybe this will bring me a few steps closer to normal for the next 12 months.  Now if I could just shake the nerves and simply be giddy....

 

TrackBack

TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00d8345188f669e20148c7cc164c970c

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Right about now:

Comments

Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

Ok, I almost started crying here. Praying for a safe surgery.

You're so brave. Safe surgery and speedy recovery, I demand it!

Hope the surgery goes as well as possible and you are happy with the outcome! Sending good vibes your way!

You are most definitely in my prayers today and here's hoping and praying for a safe and smooth recovery!!

Yay - get that new breast girl! You deserve it! Lots of people praying for you, so I know you'll come through with flying colors...

Time for the Weekly State Department Round Up and you're on it. Please let me know if you would like to be removed, broken links etc.
http://spectrummymummy.wordpress.com/2011/01/21/weekly-state-department-round-up/

I hope your surgery went well. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

I hope that all went well with your surgery. Praying for your recovery, and that you will find your 'normal' again :)

The comments to this entry are closed.