Right about now
I'm being rolled down the hallway towards the OR, much like I was 9 weeks, 6 days and 22 hours ago. I have been at the hospital for about 1.5 hours and have changed into my granny gown, had the IV started and I am sure a bit of calming medicine is slowly dripping into my arm.
My left arm, that is, since I cannot ever so much as have my blood pressure taken on my right side again (unless in a true emergency...all bets are off then). I am calm, perhaps one might even say nervously giddy? I am not here to have a treasured (well...it was) part of me removed, but instead have a reshaping, a redesign, a nip here, a tuck there...and all to make me feel just a bit more...whole.
It's not to say one can't feel complete without a breast, but I don't. A sac that feels like a baseball in my chest, with rigid edges that poke into my arm does absolutely nothing for me and I do need something realistic there. Right now, I feel more like a science experiment than a person. I realize that this morning's procedure will not bring everything back. After all, Dr. X. is really just exchanging one implant, albeit a hard, unyielding one for another. However, the other is much softer and pliant. It will likely be kinder to my body and for that I will be grateful.
It won't be the end result. As we all know, that won't be for another year. However, maybe this will bring me a few steps closer to normal for the next 12 months. Now if I could just shake the nerves and simply be giddy....